What I hate most about being pregnant?
I only get to name one! Nights of not sleeping and being uncomfortable. As you can see it is 2:36 am as I am writting this blog.
What I will miss most about being pregnant?
Sitting on the couch, feeling, and watching my baby boy move from one side of the womb to the other. It just lets me know that he is alive and well. There are plenty of times I have interrupted his sleep by rubbing my tummy, to get him to move so I can be ok that he is ok.
What I look forward to not being pregnant?
Holding my baby in my arms and getting skinny.
I anticipate so much as I am about to become a new mom in the next 8 weeks. All of the love and joy of being a mother and even the fatigue that comes with it. I just want to be a wonderful reflection of the Father's love for Caleb O'Rear. Can't wait to meet my first born. There are no words to describe that every ache and discomfort of being pregnant does not compare of the glory that is to come when I see you for the first time. God is good!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Resting in His Presence
So about a month ago I had two dreams that consist of the same themes. But I will only tell the better of the two. My spouse, family, and I were in a middle of a natural disaster. If I could guess what natural disaster it was I would say a tsunami. Anyway, we were in the middle of the highway trying to run away from the waves. The water was high and the anticipation of another gigantic wave of water was great. There were people all around us in a panic, including myself and my family. We were anxiously trying to get to safety, even though we had no idea what that was. It wasn't long after the dream started that a wave hit us, but we were OK.
Notice how I said that all of us were in a panic except for my husband? I was yelling at him to hurry up and to take this devastation more seriously. It seemed as if he was in no rush, fear, or panic at all.
What is ironic is that, that is who he is in real life. A number of events have happened to us. If I were to go into detail you would be amazed. In fact, our first year of marriage was quite an event. We have experienced major car accidents, failed pregnancy, and family lost. But through it all my husband was the strong one. So positive to the point where it was almost hard to believe. I was waiting for him to panic and it never happened. That made it very hard for me to.
There were times where I knew that deep down he had some sort of disappointment. Some things are just harder on men in ways that women cannot understand. But he never spoke anything negative out of his mouth or gave the enemy any glory by having self pity.
I truly think that God was trying to show me that I needed to truly rest in him. It was almost like he was warning me that some stormy events were coming but not to waver or panic. That I need to completely rely on him and no matter what happens he is still my God and my source.
My pastor is constantly trying to teach us about resting in God's presence and trusting that he is our source. It is funny how you can read a scripture a million times but life can make it have a whole new meaning. Psalm 23 means more to me now than ever.
If we constantly are focused on resting in God, keeping our confidence in God, not speaking and giving life to negativity, being consistent in our prayer, and consistent in his word, we become a great frustration to the enemy.
Could you imagine what it would be like that no matter what anyone said or what happened in life, nothing could take away our joy. I hope to accomplish this in the near future. Le
Saturday, November 5, 2011
On the Road to Motherhood
So I went from looking forward to having my baby and getting my body back to not looking forward to the after affects of having a child. For example the bleeding weeks afterwards.
It's amazing how someone can feel so many different emotions at one time. I am excited and can't wait to see my son. Every night when I go to bed I wonder what he looks like, is he mostly going to take after me or his dad. I look most forward to bonding with him and holding him. On the other hand I am very nervous about being a good mother and being able to take care of him. I have often realized that I am going to be expected to not only be a mother but to continue being a wife. That after I have been taking care of my son all day my husband is going to come home from working hard and be hungry. I just wonder sometimes, can I do it all? I am overwhelmed with joy and fear.
But I do know that this is what millions of women experience, especially for first time mothers. That it has been done since Eve had Cain and Abel. So with the help of the Holy Spirit I will be ok. I just thank God for friends who are able to help inform me about the things that the pregnancy books don't tell you.
I just know that I love my child so much all ready and I look forward to being his mother for the rest of his life.
About 80 days and counting until the arrival of Caleb Elvis O'Rear!
It's amazing how someone can feel so many different emotions at one time. I am excited and can't wait to see my son. Every night when I go to bed I wonder what he looks like, is he mostly going to take after me or his dad. I look most forward to bonding with him and holding him. On the other hand I am very nervous about being a good mother and being able to take care of him. I have often realized that I am going to be expected to not only be a mother but to continue being a wife. That after I have been taking care of my son all day my husband is going to come home from working hard and be hungry. I just wonder sometimes, can I do it all? I am overwhelmed with joy and fear.
But I do know that this is what millions of women experience, especially for first time mothers. That it has been done since Eve had Cain and Abel. So with the help of the Holy Spirit I will be ok. I just thank God for friends who are able to help inform me about the things that the pregnancy books don't tell you.
I just know that I love my child so much all ready and I look forward to being his mother for the rest of his life.
About 80 days and counting until the arrival of Caleb Elvis O'Rear!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
A Different Kind of Love
12 more weeks and I will be giving birth to our first child together. I am happy, excited, nervous all at the same time. It all just seem to happen so fast. I went thru my alone season with the Lord, focusing on my physical and emotional healing. I was blessed to have people in my life to help me get rid of some ways and attitudes I had carried with me 200 miles away. And I remember for about a year before I met my husband I kept getting unction to pray for him in my prayer time. It seemed as if God had everything aline perfectly when it was time for us to come in the covenant. Things happen so fast that our first born son Caleb Elvis O'Rear will be here shortly after our one year wedding anniversary.
We are obviously not the typical couple. People make that obvious when we go out in public especially. I wonder if people judge assuming that I am with him for his money or I need a father figure. I remember not being able to find my wedding ring and feeling like people thought I was his mistress because of it. Could it we be so bizarre that we could not just be divinley connected and sincerely love each other?
I fell for him so fast. So when I had my spiritual parents, and Pastor's approval we pretty much knew marriage was the next step.
He is patient, loving, and kind. His wisdom from is the benefit of us being apart in age. He is proof and fact that God always keeps his promises. And one of my favorite parts is when I was sick I was still beautiful to him now that I'm healed and set free. He saw the worst of the worst and still loved me. Thank You Jesus for loving me thru my husband!
Happy early birthday Larry Glenn O'Rear!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
The Real You
It is amazing to see the attitudes and the egocentricity that we adapt in life because of the many things that have happened to us. Some of them are flaws in our character that we have a developed as a form of protection so that we can attempt to never allow someone else to hurt us in "that way" again. But isn't if funny how those walls that we build because of hurt and pain are actually founded on lies of the enemy? You know that any thought in your head is a lie rooted from the devil if it is contradictory to the word of God. That is why the bible says to cast down imaginations.
For example a woman that has been abused by men in her life or didn't have a father and grows up to hate all men. So instead some how she attracts the kinda of man that she doesn't want and pushes the good ones away. That is why it is so important that as soon as someone offends us that we give it to God.
Personally, the Holy Spirit is teaching me that the Catisha that was developed from a painful upbringing is not really the real Catisha that he created me to be. This has definitely been evident in the way that I react to my husband. No matter what happens his feathers are not easily ruffled. He is as peaceful and calm and as stable as can be. But I am more like a roller coaster and sometimes erratic in my emotions. So when I first started going to my church and rediscovered the gift of praying in the spirit the Lord started giving me detailed revelation of this is why you act that way and do the things you do. Every time something happened or me and my husband didn't agree on something I was expecting him to blow up and go crazy. So when he didn't I would get angry. Crazy! I know but God had to reveal to me that a hostile reaction or environment is not normal even tho is was my past normal.
I realize that some of my ways that I thought were normal were not at all. God had to introduce me to a kingdom normality that He originally created me to walk in. That I am approachable, confident, and bold woman of God and I will be the best that I can be, living a purposeful life, walking out my calling and living in destiny.
One thing God is helping me on is eye contact. I have come a long way, due to the fact that just about four or five years ago I would cringed just from someone hugging me, especially by a man due to former abuses. Now I will hug anyone, even if you don't want it. And because of God sent people, I have attained the ability to be more friendly to something as easy as smiling and thanking someone one who is checking me out in the grocery store. But just a few weeks ago, the Holy Spirit pointed out that I need to look at them in the eye when I say it. Not looking people in the eye is a infereioty that I developed for myself due to circumstances of the past. But I decree and declare that perfect love casts out all fear in Jesus name!
So what are the issues, attitudes, walls in your life that seem normal to you but might not be a kingdom normal? Do you know the real you and how you should be presenting yourself to the world as a member of the body? Especially to someone who has had a hard past with a lot of pain and you isolate yourself to protect yourself from people. Let me tell you that is not the way that God created you to be. The past is not who God created us to be. I really want to get to a place where there is not one spot or stain of yesterday on me, and when I get around people that I used to know they say, "That is not the same Catisha that I remember!" So take a step with me as I learn to worship, meditate, and pray a little deeper and God gives revelations of how to be more and more like Christ everyday. It is a lifetime journey and the most freeing thing I think of!
For example a woman that has been abused by men in her life or didn't have a father and grows up to hate all men. So instead some how she attracts the kinda of man that she doesn't want and pushes the good ones away. That is why it is so important that as soon as someone offends us that we give it to God.
Personally, the Holy Spirit is teaching me that the Catisha that was developed from a painful upbringing is not really the real Catisha that he created me to be. This has definitely been evident in the way that I react to my husband. No matter what happens his feathers are not easily ruffled. He is as peaceful and calm and as stable as can be. But I am more like a roller coaster and sometimes erratic in my emotions. So when I first started going to my church and rediscovered the gift of praying in the spirit the Lord started giving me detailed revelation of this is why you act that way and do the things you do. Every time something happened or me and my husband didn't agree on something I was expecting him to blow up and go crazy. So when he didn't I would get angry. Crazy! I know but God had to reveal to me that a hostile reaction or environment is not normal even tho is was my past normal.
I realize that some of my ways that I thought were normal were not at all. God had to introduce me to a kingdom normality that He originally created me to walk in. That I am approachable, confident, and bold woman of God and I will be the best that I can be, living a purposeful life, walking out my calling and living in destiny.
One thing God is helping me on is eye contact. I have come a long way, due to the fact that just about four or five years ago I would cringed just from someone hugging me, especially by a man due to former abuses. Now I will hug anyone, even if you don't want it. And because of God sent people, I have attained the ability to be more friendly to something as easy as smiling and thanking someone one who is checking me out in the grocery store. But just a few weeks ago, the Holy Spirit pointed out that I need to look at them in the eye when I say it. Not looking people in the eye is a infereioty that I developed for myself due to circumstances of the past. But I decree and declare that perfect love casts out all fear in Jesus name!
So what are the issues, attitudes, walls in your life that seem normal to you but might not be a kingdom normal? Do you know the real you and how you should be presenting yourself to the world as a member of the body? Especially to someone who has had a hard past with a lot of pain and you isolate yourself to protect yourself from people. Let me tell you that is not the way that God created you to be. The past is not who God created us to be. I really want to get to a place where there is not one spot or stain of yesterday on me, and when I get around people that I used to know they say, "That is not the same Catisha that I remember!" So take a step with me as I learn to worship, meditate, and pray a little deeper and God gives revelations of how to be more and more like Christ everyday. It is a lifetime journey and the most freeing thing I think of!
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