Free to Know the Real Him and Myself

For a long time now I have been on a journey to forgiveness. I think that most people don't understand that true forgiveness for deep wounded hurts take time. You run into trouble when you are unwilling to forgive but our Father understands that sometimes it starts out only as a confession for obedience.

Often a lot of people don't understand that they even have unforgiveness or really how truly deeply wounded that they are. So as God starts to deal with a person he reveals things little by little, like a gentlemen wanting his child to be free but not overwhelmed. In his presence is where it all starts.

I know personally I have said I forgive them a hundred times. And when God would deal with me deeper and deeper I think to myself," I am still dealing with this? Didn't I say I forgive them a long time ago?" But as I grew with God he was allowed to get to the deep rooted issues.

For about a month or so I had felt the need to write letters to some of the people I felt hurt by. I was encouraged by my spiritual mother and my husband. It took me a few weeks before I actually did it. I knew that I needed to when the Holy Spirit would utter to me that I was being disobedient if I didn't.

So I wrote these letters explaining my brutal truth and my forgiveness and asking for there forgiveness. I read them to my spiritual mother and I ripped them up and she prayed with me. I admit I didn't feel anything right away. But all things take time. I had quite  warfare right afterwards too.

My pastor equipped me with ways to honor them too which has help in my physical healing in a great way.

For the longest time I felt that I was bound with a chain from the past. It seemed if I was going two steps forward the past would pull me three steps back. And then I would get physically sick. 

 Slowly but surely I started to feel a release. And then I realized something.My whole relationship with God although with growth has always been affected or hindered by the past. Now I really feel the freedom to get to know Him with untamed attachments. Now I am like well God who are you? I feel a freedom to truly get to know Him without the past bad reflections of Him. Because now I don't have the past deeply buried in my subconsciousness. This is the first time I have ever felt like now I can truly get to know him. And now I can truly get to know myself. Who God created me to be, not what life circumstances created me to be.

And I pray from continued correction from God dealing with bad attitudes or idiosyncrasies and defense mechanisms I developed because of the past.  It has been a long journey I tell you.

God is good and I look forward to this new journey, this fresh beginning. You know I will be 25 next month.
I think that 25 is going to be a symbolic point in my life

Blessings

Birthday Wish

My 25th birthday is next month and this is what I want for my birthday. I am not sure if it's the latest model and that is not really that important to me. I am still deciding if I want to take pictures perfessionaly but I don't know yet. First of all I have no training and would probably need to take a few classes. I actually will need to ask a friend to even teach me how to use the camera.

The main reason that I want this kind of camera is to be able to take quality pictures of my family, especially my baby boy as he is growing up. If I could I would take pictures of him everyday. I don't really have any pictures of myself when I was little so I don't want the same for him. And I just love taking pictures.
So as a birthday gift a cannon camera would be wonderful but I will also take it Christmas too.